Blogs

What is Gacha Life and What Should Parents Know About It?

adminkc ABC Parenting, Blogs, Screentime
What is Gacha Life and What Should Parents Know About It?

Created by Lunime, Inc., Gacha Life is a game that allows users to create and customize their own anime-styled characters. Users can choose from over 1,000 outfits for their characters to wear as well as modify makeup and facial features. They can change hairstyle, color, and length in the character creation process.

Users can also participate in 8 mini-games, create skits in Studio Mode, create scenes using props, and chat with other players. They can now share their customized characters on SNS platforms such as Facebook and Twitter. The app was created for kids who love anime characters and are interested in creating their own.

What are the Benefits of Playing Gacha Life for Children?

Gacha Life allows kids to create their own characters using various parts, which will in turn boost their creativity and imagination. Kids can also personalize makeup and fashion with the different outfits available. This is a good way for kids to express themselves outside of social media as well.

To add these features, Gacha Life helps children realize the importance of making their own decisions. By customizing their characters and choosing what to wear, they’ll be able to determine how they want to look like in the future. Making these choices will guide them on other aspects of decision making such as when it comes to choosing a career path or where to move etc.,

Gacha Life is great for children who love to play with their friends, as they can invite them in the app. The game is also great for those who want to showcase their creations as users can post images on SNS platforms such as Facebook or Twitter.

Gacha life
Photo by Ravi Palwe 

How Can Parents Limit Their Child’s Time on Gacha Life?

As with all apps and games, there are certain settings that can be customized based on the preferences of each parent and family. For Gacha Life, parents can limit their child’s time on the app by setting a daily session duration and the number of in-app transactions allowed each day.

Users can also disable pop-up advertisements which they may find annoying and disruptive.

As another precautionary measure, parents may also choose to monitor their child’s account by setting up parental controls on their device in order to view how much time they have spent playing the game. To protect children from possible addiction or overuse of any app or game, parents should also set guidelines that the child must follow when playing it.

For example, you may set limits on how often the child is allowed to play, or on the day of the week and time of day that they can use it.

Is Gacha Life Safe for Children?

As is the case with most games, Gacha Life may not be entirely suitable for children. The chat feature in the app allows younger players to have conversations with strangers and this may raise some concerns regarding possible cyberbullying from other users in the game.

To avoid such instances, you should talk to your child about what is safe and appropriate when playing online games that they can access on their devices. You also need to be aware of the time they spend playing games so you can limit it accordingly.

You should monitor if the game has caused any negative impact on their well-being. This includes having changes in moods, attention span, and grades among other things. If you notice any unusual behavior from your child after playing Gacha Life, you should talk to them about why they are feeling that way and what triggered such a change.

While the game maker has aimed to provide kids with an app that is creative and fun to play, parents should still monitor their children’s interactions with other players. You should discuss safety issues if you think your child has been exposed to them or if they are asking about them.

If your child is currently playing the game and exhibits any of these behaviors, it’s important to talk to them about the possible causes and how you can help them.

Ways That You Can Use Gaming Responsibly in Your Family

Set Time Limits for Screen Time

Rather than letting a child play for unlimited hours, set a time limit for how long they can play games each day and stick to it. A great rule of thumb is no more than one hour per day of gaming, at most.

If you do let your child play Gacha life game online or on the app store make sure you keep an eye on them while they are playing. You should be checking in with them to find out what their interests are and if something doesn’t seem right then immediately talk about it with them.

Know Your Kids’ Passwords, and Keep Track of How Much Money They Spend on Apps

Look over any spending activity regularly so that you can encourage them to spend time in other ways.

Plan Ahead

Keep distractions out of the way, turn off notifications, and set up large blocks of uninterrupted time so your child can get the most out of their screen time.

There is no online chat involved with this game, but you should still have a conversation about not talking to strangers or giving out personal information when playing games online. Talk about what kind of things could happen if someone lies about themselves or tries to take advantage of your child’s kindness or naivety”.

It is important that you talk to your children before they play this game as it can be very addictive!

Photo by Ralston Smith

Common Concerns about Gacha Life

For younger children, this game can be very addictive and many parents have expressed concern over the time their child spends playing Gacha Life.

This is why it’s so important to set up some gaming time and control how your children use technology. It’s easy to get wrapped up in a good video game but we still need to do things like go outside and play or spend time with family members in person.

This app can also be a good learning experience for children, depending on your child’s age. So if you are worried about your child spending too much time playing Gacha Life, there are ways around it that are tailored to your child.

Since this game is so simple and easy to use most young kids can play it without help from adults. This could be a good thing because they will learn how to use technology and enjoy the entertainment Gacha Life has to offer. Depending on what phones your children have, you may want to adjust settings about when they can access their mobile devices, so they don’t get too distracted by a game like this one.

Conclusion:

We hope that this blog post has given you a better understanding of Gacha Life and how to play it responsibly. If you’re still unsure about whether or not your child should be playing the game, we recommend considering all of these points before making any final decisions on what’s best for your family. Please feel free to reach out if there are other questions that we can answer for you!

Reacting to Undesirable Behavior

adminkc Blogs, slider
Reacting to Undesirable Behavior

Reacting to Undesirable BehaviorWhen your child starts to talk back or get out of control, try to remember not to get caught up in quick reactions to the behavior. Reacting to Undesirable Behavior – Step back and give yourself a few seconds to assess the real problem.  Once you figure it out, FIX IT.  Do your part and change the way you react to the behavior.  If what you are doing isn’t working, then holy cow, CHANGE IT!

So. In order to change what you’re doing, you need to assess your current approach.  If your current strategy is not ideal, you need to switch gears.  In this chapter you’ll get more detailed help in punishing bad behavior, reinforcing good behavior, and creating a more positive environment.

Reacting to Undesirable Behavior

Punishing Undesirable Behavior

As we discussed earlier, the consequence is what happens after the behavior.  It’s all up to you.  Your reaction determines if the behavior escalates, stays contained, or stops altogether.  Of course, you also provide a consequence to the behavior.  This is what most people consider, “Do this or else.”  But we need to step away from that line of thinking.  Kids don’t respond to threats.  They respond to action.  So think of consequences as our actions to decrease the unwanted behavior.

  • Consequences involve stopping the argument before it starts, redirecting the behavior, and making sure we do not reinforce the nonsense or escalate the episode.

For example, when we refuse to argue back, we stop the argument.  Simple as that!  We hold our ground, make sure the child does what is asked, and stay firm and calm.  This way, we do not reinforce the unwanted behavior. We also keep the situation from turning into a screaming match.  It’s our job to keep their little brains from winding up, escalating, and going into overload.

We do this by, in a sense, throwing a mental bucket of cold water on them.  They start up the complaints, arguments, and back talk, so we step right in, creating a wall.  Nope.  Stop right there.  It goes no further, little dudes and dudettes.  About face, soldier.

If two kids are arguing, literally turn their bodies away from each other.  I once had two high school girls in an all out screeching match.  I gently put my arm around one, physically turned her in the other direction and put some space between them as I told her that we needed to walk to the counselor’s office. She yelled at me, “But she called me a terrorist!” I calmly and firmly replied, “I didn’t ask what happened.  I said we need to go to the counselor’s. So let’s go.”

See?  You don’t start talking about what happened, you don’t answer questions and you don’t start in on the lectures as to why they shouldn’t act that way.  Stop the escalation and redirect to the task at hand.  Consequences are YOUR action only. The consequence is simply, “You will do what is asked.”  Period.  Make the kid do it.

Traditional Punishment” versus ABC Punishment:  Most people consider punishment as the consequence to bad behavior.  The kid typically gets spanked, grounded, phone or game privileges are taken away, no dessert at dinner, etc.  This is appropriate to a degree.  Sometimes a kid does something that you can’t undo, and they need to understand that bad things happen when they make bad choices.  So if they try to drown the neighbor’s cat, sure, they need a punishment that reminds them to make a better choice next time.  I’d never recommend spanking because I just don’t think it’s effective, but the rest of it, I understand.

But in terms of the ABC Guide, punishment simply serves to deter a behavior you don’t want to see. It’s not some lengthy, drawn out course taken as a consequence to a behavior.  In the ABC Guide, punishments are an immediate choice of action by YOU.  The kid does something you don’t like, so you have two choices.  You can punish (P) the behavior or reinforce (R).  Punish means you chose the path of stopping the behavior.  Reinforce means you chose a reaction that trains the kid to act that way again.  Most of the time, we reinforce bad behavior without even knowing it.  Wrong!  We need to reinforce good behavior, not bad.

Let’s do another ABC example and draw out the P a little more. This example shows how to deal with arguing when you’re trying to choose the right consequence but the child keeps talking back to you:

A = The kids are eating dinner.

B = Joey tells Harold he’s stupid.

C = You can:

  • R = scold Joey and send him to his room
  • P = Ask Joey, “Was that a nice thing to say? Apologize to your brother.”  This is a P because you are not letting Joey get away with being rude to his brother.

But now suppose Joey starts to smart mouth or argue? The backtalk is a new B. Here are two examples of what to do:

B = Joey replies, “Yes, it was nice.”

C = Cut Joey off immediately. Say, “Wrong answer. What’s the correct answer?”

Or

B = Joey replies, “But he just. . . “

C = Again, cut Joey off immediately. Say, “I didn’t ask what he did. I asked you if that was a nice thing to say. Yes or no.”

In both cases, keep cutting Joey off until he gives you a “no” answer.  Then make him apologize to Harold.

In the above example, notice that scolding falls under R.  Scolding is pretty darn useless.  So give it up and cut it out. The kid could care less and you are reinforcing the behavior. You’re training him that the behavior is okay.  So what if he gets sent to his room?  Big darn deal.  He probably wants to get away from the dinner table and all the nagging anyway.

Instead, he needs to ANSWER YOUR QUESTION without arguing or explaining why it was okay to call his brother stupid.  Using the ABC model, in order to punish the back talk, you need to calmly hold your ground and make him understand that it’s a simple “yes” or “no” question.  Answer it and apologize.  That’s all there is to it.  That is a true behavioral deterrent because he’ll realize that it does no good to argue with you.  You will cut him off and demand he answer your question.

Or Else: When it comes to discipline for school-aged kids, there is no place for threats of, “You will do this or else!”  “Or else,” does not belong in our vocabulary!  The kid is going to comply, and that’s that.  They may not be incredibly cooperative about it, but the action WILL take place.  If your  kid absolutely, hands down, flat out refuses to cooperate and you have to threaten “or else,” you’re in hot water. Five to twelve-year-old’s should respond to authority. If they don’t, it means they’ve been getting away with the cockamamie bull-crap for way too long.

Blocking

adminkc Blogs

BlockingBlocking for me is proactive, not reactive. It can end up being an actual physical block, yes. However,  the more important block is mental.

When I sense a child is even thinking about heading down the path of defiance, I move forward and block.  I get in their space and use my body and demeanor to communicate, “You might want to rethink that.” I am never confrontational – just calm and authoritative.

Blocking

In the snack cake example (#2 above), ideally you should not let it get to the point where you have to be on defense and physically block the cabinet door.  After refusing her request, I would watch the child’s body and facial cues and sense her laser focus on the snack cake.

 Instead of engaging the argument (“You can’t have a snack cake right now, they’re only for dessert, blah, blah, blah. . .”) and letting her brain escalate, I would walk to the child and use power phrases or redirection to block the thought itself.  We don’t want her thoughts escalating into action.

Get her focus off the cake and back on you. You could, for example, give a choice of two healthy snack items (for instance, carrots or apples) to choose from as an alternative.  If those are turned down, stay matter-of-fact and say, “Sure, that’s fine.  

You may go back to your card game or work on your science project.”  That lets her know it’s perfectly okay if she forgoes the snack and now she has a choice of two activities.  Keep the activity choices narrow because the potential snack cake fit should clue you in that she obviously needs more boundaries and limits.

When you change your thinking and approach, you can sniff out undesirable behavior before it comes to a head.  Not only do you need to block the snack cake laser and keep it from turning into a ridiculous fight, you need to address the underlying issue: no boundaries or limits.  So make some.

Now, let’s say it does turn into a ridiculous fight.  If she argues that she wants something different than your two choices, just say, “Carrots or apples. Those are your choices.”  Repeat that a maximum of twice. If she keeps coming back at you with arguments, use your calm, authoritative demeanor and take away ALL choices.

 Redirect her to a task. “Because you’re arguing, you’ve lost your choice.  No snack.  Now go work on your science project.”  Again, repeat this a maximum of twice.  (You can shorten it when repeating.  “You’ve lost your choice. Go work on your project.”)  Do NOT give in, even if she agrees to apples or carrots at this point.  If you relent and let her have apples, carrots, or anything else, you’ve just reinforced the arguing.

Next, use physical prompts to guide her to start walking toward her science project, and keep your talking to a minimum to avoid engaging the argument.  Keep your cool, stay firm, and that’s it.  Make it clear that the discussion is over.  No more.  We are done!

 

Effective Discipline that Works

adminkc Blogs , ,
Effective Discipline that Works

Effective Discipline that Works

The Five Discipline Basics:

.  Structure

.  Communication

.   Limits

.   Consistency

.   Guidance

Effective Discipline that Works. Having discussed the 5 Discipline Basics 1 through to 5 – now let’s look at some examples using the Five Discipline Basics to provide your child with effective parental guidance.

You ask your kid to do his homework and he hollers, “Not now, I’m watching a show!”  So you go over, flip the TV off and start yelling. “That’s it!  I’ve asked you five times to do your homework and you’ve always got an excuse!  You’re grounded from TV and you’d better get your butt in there and do your homework NOW!”

Do you seriously think this is going to make him feel cooperative?  No way.  He’s going to be super aggravated and sulk for the rest of night.  You’ll be lucky if he doesn’t start World War III.

Effective Discipline that Works

GOOD Example #1

Giving Limits, Communicate, Consistency, Guidance, and Structure:

You give your kid a five minute warning that the TV will be turned off and he’ll have to start his homework.  If he argues, just repeat, “Five minutes.”  Walk away.  In five minutes, calmly walk over and tell him, “Five minutes is up. Time to do your homework.”  When the arguing starts, hold out your hand for the remote.  Don’t talk.

 If he refuses to give it to you, then you go over and manually turn off the TV.  Stand in front of him and BE FIRM.  Calmly hold your ground.  Don’t say a word other than, “Homework.”  He will fuss and cry and roll all over the couch, but you stand there until you wear him down and he gets tired of the routine.

If he keeps trying to turn the TV on with the remote, you can either calmly work the remote out of his hands (without making it a wrestling match), or go over and unplug the TV.  Whatever.  Just don’t talk and don’t start playing the argument game.  He’s keeping it up because you usually cave or start engaging the behavior.  

Once he figures out that you aren’t doing that anymore, he’ll pitch a holy fit, but eventually give up.  It’s your job to hold out longer than he can keep it up.  And the more consistent you are, the less he’ll pull that nonsense.

Also, keep in mind that if you have a chart with chores, expectations and a set time each day to watch TV, this baloney shouldn’t even be an issue.  If you ban the TV until all chores and homework are complete and set a specific time limit on how long he can watch TV, there’s no fighting for the remote.

 He can cough it up or lose the TV (or phone, or games, or ALL of it) altogether.  Earning it back will take a lot more effort, and he’ll figure that out soon enough (as long as you make earning it back a big pain in the butt – which is highly recommended!).

BAD  Example #2:

You’re in an argument with your eleven-year-old and she’s so mad that she starts crying.  You start in with, “Oh my gosh, don’t start that business again!  I swear, you cry too much.  Cut it out and pull it together!”  She yells back, “But you never let me wear lip gloss!  All my friends are wearing lip gloss and you just want to be mean!”  You engage and lecture back, “You’re too young to wear that stuff!  No way!  I don’t care what your friends are doing!”

GOOD  Example #2

Giving Communication, Limits, Consistency, Structure and Guidance:

First off, we aren’t arguing.  There is no arguing with kids.  Period.  We are the big people and we don’t engage. Engaging reinforces the behavior.  Is your kid still going to get mad at you when you don’t let her wear makeup? Sure.

 But you’ve calmly held your ground and done the right thing.  She can get mad all she wants – it’s developmentally appropriate.  Kids have to go through the stages of working it out when they’re mad.  And this is when you guide her on what to do and say.  

Here’s what you tell her:     “When you get this upset, tell me, “Mom, I’m really mad right now and need a few minutes to calm down.”  Then you can go to your room, quietly close the door and do what you need to calm down.”

You tell her exactly what to say and how to act in that particular situation.  Suggest writing in a journal to get her feelings out, hugging her favorite stuffed bear, or getting caught up in a blog.  GUIDE her on how to act and what to do.  

And whatever you do, do not give in to the lip gloss, even if she does exactly what you suggested.  If she throws a fit, you cannot give her what she originally wanted, even if she straightens up.  Giving in will reinforce the negative behavior.  Be consistent and hold to your limits – if you want to see your kids common behavior problems a thing of the past.

 

Create Promote Positive Child Behavior

adminkc Blogs , , ,

Create Promote Positive Child BehaviorReal child behavior modification comes about when you combine the  5 Discipline Basics with the ABC Parenting Guide.   Imagine a world where your child’s behavior issues are a thing of the past.

Create Promote Positive Child Behavior
Remember, you must:  

‘A’    set up the situation for success;  ‘B’  specifically define the behavior; and   ‘C’  pick your consequence of punishment  (P).    Avoid reinforcement   (R)   of unwanted behavior.

Assess what the behavior tells you about needs: why are they acting that way? What do they need? Do they need or want attention? Are they lacking guidance on how to act? Change your approach and reaction to effectively meet those needs.

It may seem like a monumental task to implement all of this, but really, what are you doing anyway?  Aren’t you already spending most of your time dealing with your child’s behavior?  Make the most of the time you already spend.  

Put it toward the Five Basics of structure, communication, limits, consistency, and guidance. Making your child secure and happy means you’ll have more time in the future.  You won’t be spending every other minute in warfare!

Sure, it will be daunting at first because they are used to certain reactions from you.  When you go and change the way you do things, it will throw them for a loop.  They’ll probably kick it up a few notches to make sure you know they mean business.  Fine.  Hold your ground, stay calm, and don’t give in.

Let’s say, for instance, you take your eight-year-old kid to the school book fair.  (Keep in mind, the unstated expectation is that you are going to purchase the books, which makes a big difference in this example.)  The child throws a fit because he wants the Turtle Ranger book written for a five-year-old, and you refuse to spend (way too much) money on a book he is clearly too old for.

 So ABC it.  You know the only reason he wants it is for the nifty lock and key it has – which you know he’ll forget all about in two days.  So your choices are:

P   =   don’t get the book, ignore the behavior, and leave.

R   =   talk about the behavior, get into a discussion about why he can’t act like that and tell him he can get the book if he pays for it (using his own earned money) the minute you walk home.

(P)  will punish, because the little stinker will figure out that you can’t pout, cry and stomp your foot to get what you want.  If the goal is to spend his own money to get what he wants, fine.  

Just set that expectation beforehand.  Do not give in with this compromise after his behavior turns sour.  That will reinforce the poor behavior because he gets what he wants in the end.

(R)  will reinforce, because even if the kid straightens up, the initial fit is what spurred you to cave in the first place. So what if he gets a lecture?  He got the book.  Mission accomplished.

No shocker, this example is totally true, and my own personal bad.  Headline reads: “Discipline Chic Mom Gets Run Over by Six-Year-Old at Book Fair!”  Yep.  I was an absolute push over.  As soon as my six-year-old started in with the water works, my first reaction was an embarrassed, silent, “Oh-my-gawd-this-is-SO-not-going-to-work-and-I-just-know-someone’s-looking-at-me-I’m-on-the-PTO-board-for-heaven’s-sake-so-she-can’t-do-this-to-me-in-front-of-these-women!”  I quickly followed the mental monologue with a verbal, “Don’t you dare start that behavior.  No ma’am.

 That is not how we get what we want.”  I then promptly started negotiating, “Listen, I refuse to use my own money for that book, but if you want it, you have to give me your stash of quarters just as soon as you get home.” Take that! Showed her!

Okay, so no Parent of the Year awards for me. However, in my defense, since I write books on discipline and immediately felt the swooping rush of Catholic guilt, I swore to do better and change my ways.  As luck would have it, another incident popped up only a week later and I held my ground.  

My daughter found a necklace she wanted and I never once swayed.  Nope.  No siree.  “My dear, after the fit you threw at the book fair, I am not inclined to get you that necklace.  And furthermore, you spent your last dime on that book you wanted so badly, so now you’re out of money.  You made a choice and now you have to live with it.”  The tears I expected never came, and she nodded her head with a resigned, “Okay.”

You know, I adore my kids. We all do. Sometimes it stinks to be consistent, give limits and provide those parental guidance lessons on the choices they make and the natural consequences. But if we don’t do it, they won’t learn how the world works.

And listen, it isn’t all unpleasant.  Here’s an ABC Guide that consistently reinforces GOOD behavior – which is what we want:

A = You ask Danny to take his dishes to the sink after dinner.

B = Danny politely takes the plate and brings it to the sink.

C = You reinforce and say, “Thanks so much, honey.  High Five!”

So to increase cooperation:

  • Get a routine
  • Teach your child how to communicate effectively
  • Provide guidance and limits
  • BE CONSISTENT

 

The 5 Discipline Basics to promote positive behavior:

  • Structure
  • Communication
  • Limits
  • Consistency
  • Guidance

Remember to:

Punish (P) bad behavior. (Again, P is NOT harsh).

Reinforce (R) good behavior only!

 

Discipline Basics (Limits, Consistency, Guidance)

adminkc Blogs , ,
Discipline Basics (Limits, Consistency, Guidance)

The Five Discipline Basics:  

Structure, Communication, Limits, Consistency & Guidance.

The first two of the 5 Discipline Basics (Limits, Consistency, Guidance) have been outlined in  Discipline Basics 1-2.  Here are the other 3 critical pieces for child behavior modification.

Discipline Basics (Limits, Consistency, Guidance)

3.   Limits

Discipline Basics (Limits, Consistency, Guidance)
Discipline Basics (Limits, Consistency, Guidance)

Limits are restricted choices and boundaries. By giving kids limited choices, you’re still allowing them the freedom to make decisions. But, at the same time, you’re sparing them the overload of having too much to choose from.  All children need limits to feel secure, in control, and safe.

Here is the truth: As much as they protest to the contrary, NO child can deal with getting everything they want. Their little brains cannot handle it. The more they get, the more they’ll ask. . . and throw a fit when you dare to say no. Remember this:

Discipline Basics (Limits, Consistency, Guidance)

The reason kids continually ask for more is to create secure limits.

Read that sentence again and commit it to memory!!  Dog-ear this page!  You set yourself up for undesirable behavior if you give your child a new cell phone each year, four different hand-held electronic games every time they turn around, custom $200 shoes, and the latest shoot-em up game for your razor-thin, big screen TV. It’s too much!  Spoil, spoil, and more spoil!  Kids need limited choices.  It makes them feel safe and in control.

And while we’re on the subject, kids in grade school do NOT need to be texting each other. One of my kids’ kindergarten buddies (this was years ago, mind you) got the newest and greatest cell phone for Christmas and I nearly died. Good gawd, what is the world coming to! Who the heck are they going to text and what are they going to say? Five-year-olds can’t even spell! I mean, are you freaking kidding me?

4. Consistency

This builds trust and shapes behavior – by continually letting kids know what is acceptable and not acceptable. Write expectations down or get a behavior or chore chart going. Stick with it! When children trust you, they do what is asked, because they know consequences are consistent. When you are not consistent, you just confuse the poor baby. They don’t know what you want or how to act. Consistency is SO important, and you will hear me say it over and over!

Kids are happiest when they aren’t moving from house to house, or mom and dad are secure in their marriage. Divorce may be inevitable in some marriages, but keep a structured routine. I know you probably hate your ex’s guts, but one of you needs to step up and get over yourself first. May as well be you. Hey, I hear you if you think your ex is rotten, but you’ve still got to share this child with them. So do your best to bite your tongue and get along. If you can’t get on the same page, the kid is the one who suffers.

Consistency also means hearing the same rules from both parents. Even in the average Joe-Schmoe marriage, what do we tend to fight about? Kids! One spouse thinks ‘A’ is okay but ‘B’ is not. The other is hell bent on disagreeing. There’s constant battle and negotiation over what values you want to instill in the kids and what behavior is okay. Work through that, people!! Compromise and put on a united front. If you constantly undermine each other, the child gets mixed messages and doesn’t know which way is up. Rotten behavior is sure to follow.

5. Guidance

This provides alternatives to undesirable behavior. Stop saying, “No!” all the time. Instead, tell kids what they CAN do. Tell and show your child what you WANT to see – everyday, all the time! Giving proper guidance teaches kids how to approach getting what they want in a positive way and eliminates the cycle of negative attention. Good gravy, we give way too much negative attention!

 

Discipline Basics (Structure & Communication)

adminkc Blogs ,
Discipline Basics (Structure & Communication)

Discipline Basics (Structure & Communication)

Discipline Basics (Structure & Communication). Let’s discuss some very basic foundations to get discipline going in the right direction.  If you don’t start out with good ingredients, your end result is going to be crappy.  Have you ever walked into a grocery store and wandered past the pies?

Discipline Basics (Structure & Communication)

They look like so-so generic pies – not incredibly motivating, so you say, “Eh. I’ll pass.” Yet you can walk into a fancy pie shop and feel like diving head first into that luscious apple-filled beauty.  “Whoa! That looks awesome!”  What’s the difference?  It’s still just pie, right? Well, yes, it is. But the grocery store pie is slapped together, bland, and boring.

The pastry shop pie is piled high, gorgeous, and assembled with care.  It’s successful – everyone wants to eat it.  Discipline is the same. You have to take care in your ingredients and how you put it together.

All children need:  

The Five Discipline Basics: Structure, Communication, Limits, Consistency & Guidance.

1. Structure is a schedule or a predictable routine. Structure gives kids security. As they age, flexibility is easier.

I always harp on toddlers having a super structured routine, but even as kids get older and hit school, they STILL need that routine.  When you do the same things every day, at the same time, they feel a sense of order and control. Think about the routine at school: same activities, same time, every day. The kids know what to expect, and they cooperate.

You cannot run your children all over creation with after-school activities and constant baseball or football games on weekends.  You cannot keep them up late one night and go to bed early the next.  It’s too much.  You must be consistent.

 I know life gets in the way sometimes, but you have to try your best.  Keep it simple and keep it the same. School pick up, snack, homework or play, dinner at the same time every night, bed at eight.  Kids need their sleep!! They may tell you otherwise, but they’re full of it, and you know it.  So make them go to bed!

If you do not give your child a consistent routine, do not expect them to act well-behaved. Some kids are more agreeable than others, but for the love of Pete, do not drag them all over creation or get lazy with bedtime. I will have no sympathy when you get all confused and angry because they’re acting like tyrants.  RESPECT a routine.

2. Communication is mind blowing important!

Without communication, you’re hosed.  It’s very easy to get caught up in work or whatever else you’re doing and ignore the kids until they act up.  But here’s the thing:  you have to show them your interest, show them how to communicate effectively (that means no yelling) and show them that you care.  You may feel it, but you have to show it, too.

 Stop what you’re doing, look them in the eye and listen. You expect them to do that when you’re talking, right?  Well, set the example.  If you’re too caught up in your own problems and let this go until they’re old enough to figure out that you don’t really give a darn, then you’re up a creek.  Just try and undo that.  Go ahead.  The most communication you’ll get is a slammed door in your face.

  • Communicate respectfully and effectively using age-appropriate words they can understand. “You may get on the computer after you’ve finished your homework and I’ve checked it for errors.  After you correct any errors, you can play your game for thirty minutes.”
  • Your child must have instruction on how to communicate needs, feeling, thoughts and anger with you – teach them!  “We do not whine when we’re having trouble with homework.  Instead, tell me, “I’m frustrated and could really use some help because I don’t understand this question.”
  • You must listen when they talk!  Hear what they’re saying.  “Let me make sure I understand.  You feel like every time you sit down to play a video game, I tell you to clean something up.  Is that right?”  From there you logically list out the last few times he’s played his video game and go through what he believes you nagged him to do each time. Write it all down if necessary. He may or may not have a point. If he does, make sure you concede.  Demonstrate how to apologize and work on a compromise.

Kids need a set time each day, with a specific time limit, when they can play games or watch TV uninterrupted.  This pulls in clear communication and structure to reduce arguments.  Write your expectations down and stick to it.  Get a chart together (see the chart index or visit www.TigerTamerCharts.com for ideas and charts). The best route is to start using a chore chart.  For example, when daily chores and homework are finished and marked off by five o’clock, they can have 5:30-6:15 for TV or games.  

Just make sure to set the expectation that chores and homework must be completed first and do NOT give in to pleas of, “I promise I’ll do it right after!”  No way, Charlie.  When you set the expectation and make the effort to write it all down and ensure communication, everyone is going to follow it!  That’s the whole point!  Believe me, over time, kids will appreciate your consistency – it makes them feel secure and happy.