Positive Parenting. So I’ve got a soapbox. This whole, “That makes me sad,” or “That’s a sad choice” drives me nuts! Seriously, you think that motivates kids to act better? Newsflash! They couldn’t care less . It’s empty chatter coming out of your mouth, meaning diddly squat to kids. So cut it out! Tell them that what they did or said is not acceptable, then tell them what you want to see instead. That is part of a positive parenting program.
Positive Parenting
Listen, I know you want to be kind and to gently let them know that their choice was poor. But give me a break with the no-discipline discipline. That only works on highly motivated kids who are eager to please. Frankly, I only run into those guys once in a blue moon. And with those kids, it just makes them feel guilty. And if they are already great kids, there’s no need for guilt! When they make a rare mistake, it’s better to simply state, “It’s okay. Just make a better choice next time.”
For the rest of the normal ol’ kid population, if a child is mad and screaming his head off, do you really think telling him how sad that makes you has ANY impact? Heck, no. He doesn’t need to know that you’re sad about his choices. What he DOES need is direction on how to handle his anger in the future. Find out why he got mad and give help and guidance, not some lame comment about how it makes you feel.
Let’s be honest, here. This isn’t really about how you feel. It’s a social riddle kids are supposed to figure out. Ooooh, “sad choice” means I’m not supposed to do that. Got it!). They’ll figure it out all right. They’ll figure out that they don’t have to listen to you because that’s the wimpy consequence to their “choice.” They get a sad face from you. Boohoo. Disappointed the teacher today. I’m sure as heck going to feel guilty about that one!
I find this used more often by teaching staff than moms, as moms are more commonly fed up. But either way, it’s quite useless. One kid smacks another as they’re walking down the hall to class and the teacher says, “Oh, that’s a sad choice.” Give me a break! The kid will look appropriately contrite, then start smacking again as soon as the teacher turns her back.
So how about, at a minimum, telling the kid, “We do not hit others. Apologize.” Then send him to the back of the line. That’s actually telling him what is expected and what he needs to do to make up for it. No riddles! He also gets a negative consequence to his actions. It’s a pipsqueak consequence, but he does get separated from his friends (the one he hit. Eh hem.) Personally, I’d take it further and make him sit by himself at lunch or sit out recess, but that’s just my grumpy ol’ self talking.