“Did I say”? “What did I say”? When you ask, “Did I say. . .” it cues the kid’s attention. Then you ask the second question: “What did I say”? (or something similar) to redirect. Making a child recall and repeat gets them focused on the original direction. Many times they don’t mean to disobey you, but simply weren’t paying attention or forgot your instruction. This power phrase reminds them of your rules.
Did I Say
Here are examples, along with variants:
- “Did I say to buy juice for lunch”? “What did I say”? (Milk only.)
- “Did I say to tap your pencil”? “What did I say”? (Quiet pencil.)
- “Did I say feet go on the chair”? “Where do your feet go”? (On the floor.)
- “Are those inside voices”? “What do inside voices sound like”?
Be careful with the “Did I say”? “What did I say”? power phrase. You cannot use these questions with kids who are consistently defiant, in the habit of back talk, or shoot back wrong answers for negative attention. These phrases should strictly be used with kids who have a sense of boundaries and can redirect with relative ease.
You don’t need: This power phrase keeps kids from interjecting, bothering, or getting in another’s business. Examples:
- You don’t need to answer his question. He can do it himself.
- You don’t need to tell him how to zip his bag. He knows how.
- You don’t need to take her card and put it down (in a discard pile during a game). She’s perfectly capable of doing that all by herself.
- You don’t need to see his work. Worry about your own.
We do not: If you’ve read my toddler blog, then you know this phrase should be burned into your head! It doesn’t stop with toddlers! We must constantly let kids know what is acceptable and what is not.
If you don’t tell them, they won’t know!! “We do not hit others”. “We do not throw food.” “We do not talk back”. “We do not call people names.” “We do not touch other people’s things”. This goes on forever.
You may/can: If possible, follow up “we do not'” with what you want to see instead. “We do not yell out the car window. You can talk to your friend when we get back home”. Or, “We do not shoot spit wads. Use your straw to drink”.
It gets to be a major drag if all you do is say, “We do not” all the time. So give an alternative acceptable behavior. This will direct behavior to what you WANT to see and keep you from sounding negative all the time.